A Letter from Late Brother Sim Ngee Mong
Rested peacefully in the Lord on 13 June 2014
Dear family, relatives, caregivers, friends, those whom I have known and to those whom I have not known.
This is my last letter to all who have known and met me during my final months. To those who called and prayed for me, I wish to express my sincere thanks for all the encouragement, support and prayers given. You have done so out of care and concern and I do not doubt all the good intentions you have. I can only give my thanks and regrets that this time is short.
I give my greatest thanks to Jesus who has been with me all the while providing with the necessary comfort and care I always needed. The amount of suffering I went through was almost 0 at the time when I decided to stop treatment. How could He have ever done that for me? That is something you could not have seen and since it is something I went through, it must have been the grace of God. It is not true that the grass is always greener on the other side once you see the suffering of others in the ward around you. You just have to give thanks to God everyday and sing of His wondrous mercies He has always given. As the days go on, my condition deteriorates. I can only pray for strength and help living one day at a time. My fight will continue until I have no more strength. Now, some 6 weeks later, I will say that my suffering is about 50% and tolerable. Still, I will give thanks. Especially when I recall the screaming of the other patients in the ward.
Through a large part of my life, I have believed in helping others in whatever ways possible. As a social worker, I hope that I had achieved some of this. But often results are intangible. Many may have felt touched by what I have done but to me, this is no longer important. I do not mean to be cruel when I say this but I suppose it is a part of my development as I adopt a broader view, from helping individuals to helping the community. I can only achieve this if I leave behind 2 important legacies of my work.
The first part is my research on internet addiction which is still a social issue and will remain for a period of time or when all electronic devices are eliminated. I cannot carry on this work and I hope someone else can, by taking over the web site. I will leave the necessary passwords with my colleagues or wife whom I hope will take care of. At least 3 persons are needed. The first is to be in charge. yes, do nothing but to be in charge until someone with the familiarity with the topic offers to do the updates. Then a web designer is needed to put up everything on the net.
The purpose of this letter is to help you (everyone, I hope). In turn, you will be in a better position to help others especially others who are sick. The term "you" refers to caregivers, relatives, friends and even patients. If I achieve this, it is the second good thing I will have left behind.
Before I go on, I need to let you know what I have gone through. From the onset, I knew that it was going to be a difficult journey with a low chance of success. There was nothing much I could do as I left it in the hands of the doctor and to God. Along the way, i did not bother to ask many questions about my sickness, the treatment I was going to receive or even read up on the internet. "Depressed or given up" you might say but I am a very practical person. Knowing that these things do not help. If you look at it another way, knowing may even make me feel depressed. I had spent much effort fighting and the main and most practical thing that I can do now is to focus on eating because I cannot lose too much weight. Of course I also pray, exercise and have positive thinking - no problem.
There is one fact that is not on my side. I know that I am fighting a losing battle. But I continue. The sad part is that there is not much I can show because a dead person cannot give a living testimonial of what had been good. People want to hear success stories because there is much to be learnt. They ate certain foods and had certain lifestyles and these contributed to the success. But what about the may who have died listening to bad advice, ate the wrong food and followed dubious treatments. Their stories are simply forgotten and not even published. My story, I hope is made known to you at this point and I can only say that I fight with the best available tools I have and that there is the knowledge I have about the foods I take and I make the best decision I have in regards to the tool I choose in each particular battle. All these make it sound like I am a complicated person. But if you think about it, it makes very good sense.
I have to give an example of my fight here. One morning, while preparing my bread, I had to choose between spreading a soursop jam spread and peanut butter. This soursop jam was prepared by a relative, who so kindly took much effort to prepare this, believing that soursop had curative properties and knowing my condition. I appreciate and thank her for her efforts. I eventually chose the peanut butter for reasons I do not need to discuss here but the point is that decision making is part of my fight.
You also need to know a bit of my condition. I have been told by doctor that I can eat any food I want as long as it is cooked. However my stomach had been unstable for a long time and eating the wrong food can cause problems. Only I will know the condition of my stomach. Common sense will also tell you that I cannot take herbs or unusual foods as it will interfere with chemo.
The whole point of my letter is regarding food (including food as treatment) and in dealing with patients, most of you have got many of your facts wrong or applied it wrongly - despite your good intentions. This is not a problem for me because I already know this. I just had to check the internet to confirm what I already knew. If you gave the same information to others then it is not only not helpful but may cause harm and I do not wish to see this happen.
I will explain why most of you do not know your facts about food, nutrition and science and I will be giving lots of examples. A fact that is well proven by tons of research is that we need to eat a well balanced diet and to eat more fruits and veggies from the different colour groups. Fact well researched and we know but we do not accept. Instead we go about sharing with others the latest super food we heard or supplement that does wonders. Another reason we do not accept this simple fact is that it is too simple. We want super foods to do that special thing. We want to know which foods can heal. It is true that certain foods can heal or cure certain diseases. These are well known and proven scientifically. Unfortunately for cancer and HIV, this is not the case but we try to find some semblance of hope through miracle stories we hear.
My first enlightening process with food started with relatives telling me what foods I should or should not be eating and why certain foods were bad and why I had to eat more of certain foods. Why did I need to be told about this? Am I uneducated? Less educated than them? Could not think properly or simply out of control due to my cravings? I disregarded these statements initially because I know they were said with good intentions and out of care. As time went on, I realised that this can't go on with wrong or misleading information being presented. Hence, this letter.
Speaking to 2 Friends
Hearing the experiences of 2 friends reinforced my views on food. She said that she did not like to meet too many people because she did not like being told about food choices. Her situation was the same as mine. Many others are in the same situation. Then there is another friend who should be eating a more balanced diet. She knows that and those around her know that she knows that. This friend still maintains that she still does not like to be told of her food choices.
So we have a situation where society views the sick as having lost their knowledge of food. Other views are that the sick need reminding and a whole host of other reasons which serves as good intentions for the caregivers.
Even with all the good intentions, the sick do not like being told about food choices or to be pressured into food selection. They are pressured into eating certain foods. Caregivers are unfortunately thrust into the role of counsellors as well, in that they have to provide encouragement, show care and provide support. This is not a role they are trained for and because they are not trained, they mess it up. I know because as a social worker, I am trained for this. A good example of how it should be done was a dietician I overheard in the ward. She approached a man who lost weight and had poor appetite. She did not start out by telling him that he should be eating more, what type of food to eat or even suggest Ensure. Instead she asked, "Uncle, tell me about some of your favourite foods. When was the last time you had this?" She then went on to ask him several other questions to find out what was happening. As I said, you all can't be trained as counsellors. So the thing you can do is not to give information and advice on food and nutrition but instead find more about the requirements of the person who is sick - from the patient himself.
The process I went through produced a mixture of emotions. At first I suppressed these emotions because I simply disregard the statements that were made. Over time other feelings crept in as I had to argue the facts, tried to be patient to explain things correctly, had to oblige in a nice way, give politically correct answers and just laugh at the ludicrous. At one point, I got so many negative comments about food that I could not have any choice. A food was either too salty, sugary, processed, deep fried, prepared in an unhealthy way or was of poor nutritional value.
Due to poor nutritional knowledge, caregivers sometimes contradict themselves. They want you to eat more red meat as protein is very important. Later someone else reminds them to cut down on red meat and eat more fish. I get messages like "not to drink too much milk, eat too much potatoes" and the list goes on.
This was perhaps my lowest point. I might as well not make any food requests and just stick to hospital food. I thought I was exercising my positive thinning by looking at some food my stomach was capable of taking. Instead, I was getting regular negative comments about food from the very people who keep reminding me to keep a positive attitude.
With all good intentions, various people prescribe and give various herbs and supplements. The standard operating procedure is to give bird's nest, essence of chicken, honey and so on. But caregivers start preparing herbs and tonics not knowing that some of these may not be compatible with chemo or that it is not suitable for the patient. See the potential for harm here?
Even if these tonics and herbs are safe, it comes back to several points I mentioned earlier. People cannot accept the fact that research has shown we need to eat a balanced diet with more fruit and veggies. Instead, the view is that there are certain foods which are more nourishing than others. If I had to choose between bird's nest which is supposed to boost my immune system and having an apple and an orange, I would definitely choose the fruits for numerous reasons. Bird's nest may have been good for many other people but I know it is of much less help to me. I had mentioned earlier, it is my fight with cancer and I have to decide which food is best for me. My stomach space is limited, I have to choose what goes in.
So, I have been described as a stubborn person by my relatives for avoiding what has been recommended. Strange isn't it that they know my body better than myself? I do not take this label personally. In fact, I find all my relatives stubborn, my immediate family included. In fact, if you think about it, you will also find all your family members stubborn. Ironic isn't it? However, my point here is that I am involved in a fight whereby I believe in my decisions as to what to eat. I may be wrong (you prove it) but I hold on to my beliefs (stubborn as you call it). I am not stubborn, I am simply a person with conviction.
Some good examples come in. I was asked to eat soursop as it was specially bought. I did not want to but since it is a fruit and out of obligation, I took some. I wanted to stop it but was asked to take more. Out of obligation, I took more but did not feel good afterwards. I should have just trusted my gut instinct not to take it at that point in time. On another occasion, I just wanted to eat a bit of fruits. However, a juicer had been specially brought around for me and several fruits went into the machine to make juice. Since it was prepared and again out of obligation, I took it. I did not feel good after this.
I was also told that satay and braised peanuts are not good for me. When i had a cough and phlegm, I was told not to eat oranges. This is a common belief among the older generation and may be true for some people. If you do a search, you will find that it is ok to take oranges as it gives you some needed Vitamin C. Results do vary but again the point here is that you cannot play doctor.
One of the lessons I learnt is that I should have trusted my instincts for I know my body well. If I think it is not suitable for my stomach, I should simply not take it. Caregivers should ask if it is suitable for me and not assume that it is good for me - herbs and tonics included.
The letter went on and on ranting on the common misunderstandings that we may have in foods and the frustrations faced as a patient when told to eat this and that.. I was only at page 8 of 23 of Brother Sim's letter and lack the willpower to continue typing..
I was thinking.. If only I could have skipped oats for breakfast ~ How wonderful will this world be? Oats for breakfast is making me feel sick and disgusted especially when it is not cooked properly - the texture is just like lumpy clay.. My happiness is neigh ~ I have to endure till I get married and have a say of what to eat for my breakfast.. Muahahaha!!! OK.. Lets carry on with a few case studies put forth on Page 13 now..Sir Jason Winters (SWJ) Tea
When I first had cancer, my dad became familiar with this tea as he had an interest in alternative treatments. Although he brought it to my attention, he never introduced me to take it but he "experimented" with some of the ingredients. Apparently this tea was well known in Singapore at that time as a cancer cure although it was clear that SWJ himself only claimed that his tea is a blood cleanser. This is one of those products I want you to beware of and to teach you how to spot that it is a quack. It is listed in but no details are found.
As a quick introduction, SWJ discovered a blend of herbs and he was cured of his cancer. He was a very good storyteller writing many books telling of his experiences. He became famous across the world giving many interviews and personal testimonies. Because he is such a good storyteller, he had subtly led people to believe that herbs can cure cancer. One of his books has the title "Killing Cancer".
1. Start by doing a Google search on SJW and find out all you can about him. You will notice that all accounts about his life come from SJW himself. For such a famous man having won many awards you would find this hard to believe. It is as though no one knew him. This should immediately arouse your suspicion.
2. Since you cannot find out more about the man himself, you just have to go to his website to find out more and what his claims are. First, he claims to have won numerous awards. Although he has many photos to show, he does not say what these awards were for. He may be a humble person, but his achievements are simply not mentioned. Some of the awards come from some strange organisation and you would not be able to trace any of his awards on the internet. This should also arouse your suspicion.
3. After he recovered from his cancer, SWJ saw a medical oncologist, a Dr Ian Pierce from Scotland who wanted to examine the herbs SWJ took. you will also not be able to find more about this doctor from the internet.
4. This doctor wrote a report to the British Medical Association. This report can be found on the website under Information / Scientific Documentation. Take a look at the report and you would find that it is a disgrace. It looks like a casual letter providing a story that is pure anecdotal evidence. There is completely no medical evidence provided, yet he calls it a report.
The details were too lengthy and I have decided to just jump to point 8 instead.
8. Finally, SWJ makes the most outrageous claim in his editorial. On discussing his tea formula, he wrote:
"My formula was validated to me by the Archbishop of Canterbury's interpretation of the Biblical, from Buddhist writings and from the Native American Indians. Also, with the help of HRH Prince Charles, Dr. Ian Pierce MD and many others."
So.. the moral of the story is not to be so naive as to believe in whatever others claim to be useful. You might end up getting cheated and spending a fortune for something that doesn't help at all. His letter went on to put forth his research findings on other "miracle cures" which turned out to be useless and these include Alkaline Water which made his mouth feel extremely dry and uncomfortable.
It is common that the people / caregivers around us tend to "play the doctor" and try to experiment different herbs / foods on somebody who is sick but this has to stop because what they are doing might cause unintentional harm to the patients... So this goes to his conclusion on page 22. Let me conclude by restating this:
I give thanks to God and to all my well wishers for your care and concern shown to me during this time.
I hope my life has been one where I have done good for people. Looking at a broader perspective, I hope to leave behind now, 2 main legacies.
One is a website that deals with internet addiction. I hope someone will take over the work I started.
Two is a plea to everyone who will come across a patient at some time. As caregivers, please do not play doctor with those who are ill. Take extra efforts to support your good intentions. Do your research before you offer anything to help.
On this food issue, I wish to leave 3 statements:
- Always check with the patient what they need. Do not prescribe.
- If you do your research and come to my same conclusions, are you prepared to speak out against the common and typical beliefs and food hoaxes? With particular focus on soursop and alkaline water? Will you post on Facebook or anywhere else to circulate these false claims?
- As a patient, I ask that you do not do anything behind my back. Tell me, ask me. Give me my right to making my own decisions.
Finally I wish to say that my experience with my main caregiver has been most interesting and that is in spite of the initial stages, where we almost quarrelled all the time about food issue, things have worked out very well. I am most appreciative of all that have been done. I come to the conclusion that it is possible to have good things happen in spite of the conflicts.
- Sim Ngee Mong, 4 June 2014My Food for Thought
I was amazed that Brother Sim could come up with such a long letter just on food choices and I do agree that you should just give a dying man what he would love to eat rather than forcing him to eat the things he disliked or worse still - try to trick him into eating stuff by adding them in small quantities in the food served to him. He definitely has his rights to make choices of what to eat anyways.
Also, I admired Brother Sim for his willpower in battling against his illness and also to write such a lengthy letter to instruct caregivers on what they ought to do and not to do. If I were the one battling such a painful illness, I might just be whining on bed and not wanting to do anything I guess..
I do hope that you guys would have learnt something through the words of our late Brother Sim as I have always believed that the words uttered by a dying man is the essence of his fleeting life on earth.
I wish that all of us will be able to stay healthy and be wise with our food choices! :)
God Gives Us Peace
John 14: 24"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."Worries or Peace? How to earn more to feed my family? Is this pain a symptom of a serious sickness? Am I insured enough for bad times ahead? Don't let worries bring you down. Come find out how you can have peace admits troubles.
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